I reached a milestone today as a parent: I was accused by another parent of neglecting in my duties as a mom to care for my child.\u00c2\u00a0 The accusing mom did not actually say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a bad mom,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d but she may as well have just come out and said it that way.<\/p>\n
I returned to work three weeks ago as a full-time teacher, covering my friend Bess\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 kindergarten class while she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s out on maternity leave.\u00c2\u00a0 It has been a hard adjustment for everyone in the family, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been further complicated by the fact that Griffin has been fighting illness since he started going to day care.\u00c2\u00a0 I was expecting him to get sick, and he predictably did almost immediately.\u00c2\u00a0 What I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t expecting is for it to go on and on the way it has.\u00c2\u00a0 He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s had a cold in one form or another for nearly three weeks, had stomach flu complete with projectile vomiting and diarrhea up the back and down the legs, and now is on to wheezing like an asthmatic.\u00c2\u00a0 Andrew and I have both stayed home from work with him for a couple of days when he was really sick, and we have been to the doctor three times in the past three weeks.\u00c2\u00a0 I was beginning to feel like a worry-wart mom, but on the last visit this past Wednesday, his pediatrician assured me that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just par for the course and that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get better eventually.\u00c2\u00a0 We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re currently treating his wheezing with two inhaled medicines, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty much back to his old self, laughing, playing, eating, and sleeping normally.<\/p>\n
This morning when I went to drop Griffin off at day care, another mom (who made it clear she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a nurse) handed me a printout on RSV (the illness his pediatrician has already told me is the likely culprit of his symptoms) and said she was \u00e2\u20ac\u0153very upset\u00e2\u20ac\u009d that Griffin had been at day care yesterday.\u00c2\u00a0 She went on to tell me that RSV is a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153highly contagious\u00e2\u20ac\u009d disease and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153completely inappropriate\u00e2\u20ac\u009d for him to be at day care.\u00c2\u00a0 I told her that his doctor had said nothing about Griffin not attending day care, at which point she said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sometimes<\/em><\/strong> you have to ask specific<\/em><\/strong> questions.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 She went on to say that \u00e2\u20ac\u0153many children who get it are on respirators in the hospital\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want her child to get it, so if Griffin was going to be at day care, she was going to take a sick day and pull her daughter out, although \u00e2\u20ac\u0153it may be too late.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n I think it was about this point that I started to cry.\u00c2\u00a0 I babbled something about \u00e2\u20ac\u0153being new at this mom thing\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and how \u00e2\u20ac\u0153of course I would never bring Griffin to day care if I thought he was going to get other kids seriously ill\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and she talked back at me about \u00e2\u20ac\u0153it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s highly contagious and we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll probably ALL get it now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 By this time, I was late to work and was supposed to be with my students in 15 minutes.\u00c2\u00a0 I called our extremely compassionate secretary who assured me she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d handle it.\u00c2\u00a0 I gathered my things and left with Griffin on my hip and tears streaming down my face.<\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m home now and am calmer.\u00c2\u00a0 Griffin and I enjoyed playing together this morning, and now he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s down for a nice long nap.\u00c2\u00a0 His doctor emailed me back right away saying there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s absolutely no reason Griffin can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go to day care, that he stopped being contagious 24 hours after his fever broke, and that basically he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fine.\u00c2\u00a0 I am happy I am vindicated, and happy to be home enjoying some unexpected hours with my little guy.<\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve thought a lot about what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to say when I run into this mom again.\u00c2\u00a0 She was wrong, plain and simple, on so many levels including medically.\u00c2\u00a0 I could point all these things out to her and tell her just how wrong she was, but I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll just say this to her: If I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve learned anything about parenting so far, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that we all do the best that we can for our kids.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead of keeping this in mind, you made me feel ignorant, incompetent, and stupid when you could have addressed your worries by showing compassion, understanding, and asking questions instead of accusing.\u00c2\u00a0 I hope you keep this in mind the next time you are doing the best you can for your daughter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I reached a milestone today as a parent: I was accused by another parent of neglecting in my duties as a mom to care for my child.\u00c2\u00a0 The accusing mom did not actually say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a bad mom,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d but she may as well have just come out and said it that way. I returned to … Continue reading Confrontation<\/span>