It’s Saturday, and we’re still awaiting test results for the four of us in the family who got tested on Wednesday. We remain either asymptomatic (Oliver and Griffin), or mild symptoms (Andrew, Sarah, and Maggie) with very mild sore throats and mild headaches that come and go. It’s hard to know if they’re actually symptoms, or if it’s stress, or something else entirely.

I went for a walk alone last night, the first since we found out about Oliver’s exposure on Election Day, and his positive diagnosis a week later on the 10th. From the beginning of this pandemic, I’ve been angry about the way this country has been handling it, sad for the families who have been going through this with loved ones, horrified for those who have experienced deaths of loved ones. And on my walk last night, I felt the weight of it on a more personal level, allowing myself to feel the heartbreak of all of this, while watching an achingly beautiful sunset.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I am. Logically, I know that the odds are with us, but as we’ve seen over and over again, this is an unpredictable virus. I’ve been trying not to let fear get the best of me over the past 8 months. (EIGHT MONTHS.) There really isn’t a usefulness to fear if it drags on for so many months. Fear is supposed to get you out of danger quickly, but this has been going on for far too long for that to be useful. But now that it’s past my doorstep and into my house, it’s hard not to think about what our lives could be in a few short weeks.

Hopefully, we’ll know more soon, but even with a negative or positive diagnosis, it really is just a waiting game. We are trying to eat healthily, sleep when we’re tired, drink lots of fluids, play with each other, and not get on each other’s nerves too much. You know: normal pandemic life. We are grateful for support, love, and offers of help from those around us. Right now, we’re doing ok, and we’ll post more as we know more.

Still overwhelmingly grateful for this life, and the beauty I witness daily.

Stay safe, friends. Stay home. Mask up.