I’m discovering as I get older that perhaps I’m the kind of person who prefers the quiet.  Those of you who know me well might be saying, “Duh, Sarah.  Aren’t you the woman who has chosen to spend most of her summers in a tent in the woods?  And hey, didn’t you live for an entire year in a state park?”  So perhaps I’m a little slow on the uptake.  I mean, really, I kind of think screaming should be reserved for when you’re being eaten by a bear.  You’d think I would have figured out by now that I prefer quiet.

But seriously, sometimes these insights creep up on me and I realize, “Oooohhhhh, there are different people in the world.  Those who like it noisy and those who like it quiet, and I like quiet!”  So imagine my surprise when I said to myself, “I really should buy Griffin one of those fake phones that makes all kinds of noise when you push the buttons!  And maybe it should be in Elmo’s voice!  And be able to say Griffin’s name!  That would be an awesome addition to my life!”

Yes, I’ll confess that I’ve often looked with disdain at those toys that light up, talk to you, and do all kinds of things that seem unnecessary.  I believe the words, “The WORLD is stimulating enough!  I will never buy something like that for my child!  Kids don’t need all those bells and whistles!” have come out of my mouth on more than one occasion, definitely with an eye roll for dramatic effect.  But need is the operative word here.  Of course kids don’t NEED those things, but they sure do like ’em, and Griffin is definitely one of those kids who delights in things that go “whirrrrr!”

Sure, he’ll play with the beautiful stuffed animal I painstakingly made out of felt or the natural wooden blocks, but what he really, really loves is carrying our cordless phone around while pushing the buttons to hear the noise and watch it light up.  We were ending up chasing him all over the house making sure he didn’t dial 911 or India, and finally I decided he needed a phone of his own.

I considered looking at the second-hand stores first, but frankly traipsing all over Oakland with Griffin in tow pursuing this one thing I may never find wasn’t too appealing.  So I headed to Target as part of a greater errand run, and the choices were surprisingly limited (apparently the newest thing for kids is to have their own play laptop, so I guess I’m behind the times).  It was either Elmo, Buzz Lightyear, or some obnoxious Japanese character I’ve never heard of.  I had to forget my goal of purchasing things without television or Disney characters on them (I guess I’ve got a lot of issues), and let Griffin play with Elmo and Buzz in the cart to see which seemed the least disturbing.  Surprisingly, Elmo won.

Admittedly, Elmo is pretty cute, and Griffin absolutely loves the phone.  He carries it all around, puts it up to his ear and says, “Hay-lo!”  He hasn’t touched our real phone since, and thankfully Elmo has an off switch for those times when we need just a little more quiet.

I reached a milestone today as a parent: I was accused by another parent of neglecting in my duties as a mom to care for my child.  The accusing mom did not actually say, “You’re a bad mom,” but she may as well have just come out and said it that way.

I returned to work three weeks ago as a full-time teacher, covering my friend Bess’ kindergarten class while she’s out on maternity leave.  It has been a hard adjustment for everyone in the family, and it’s been further complicated by the fact that Griffin has been fighting illness since he started going to day care.  I was expecting him to get sick, and he predictably did almost immediately.  What I wasn’t expecting is for it to go on and on the way it has.  He’s had a cold in one form or another for nearly three weeks, had stomach flu complete with projectile vomiting and diarrhea up the back and down the legs, and now is on to wheezing like an asthmatic.  Andrew and I have both stayed home from work with him for a couple of days when he was really sick, and we have been to the doctor three times in the past three weeks.  I was beginning to feel like a worry-wart mom, but on the last visit this past Wednesday, his pediatrician assured me that it’s just par for the course and that he’ll get better eventually.  We’re currently treating his wheezing with two inhaled medicines, and he’s pretty much back to his old self, laughing, playing, eating, and sleeping normally.

This morning when I went to drop Griffin off at day care, another mom (who made it clear she’s a nurse) handed me a printout on RSV (the illness his pediatrician has already told me is the likely culprit of his symptoms) and said she was “very upset” that Griffin had been at day care yesterday.  She went on to tell me that RSV is a “highly contagious” disease and it’s “completely inappropriate” for him to be at day care.  I told her that his doctor had said nothing about Griffin not attending day care, at which point she said, “Sometimes you have to ask specific questions.”  She went on to say that “many children who get it are on respirators in the hospital” and she didn’t want her child to get it, so if Griffin was going to be at day care, she was going to take a sick day and pull her daughter out, although “it may be too late.”

I think it was about this point that I started to cry.  I babbled something about “being new at this mom thing” and how “of course I would never bring Griffin to day care if I thought he was going to get other kids seriously ill” and she talked back at me about “it’s highly contagious and we’ll probably ALL get it now.”  By this time, I was late to work and was supposed to be with my students in 15 minutes.  I called our extremely compassionate secretary who assured me she’d handle it.  I gathered my things and left with Griffin on my hip and tears streaming down my face.

I’m home now and am calmer.  Griffin and I enjoyed playing together this morning, and now he’s down for a nice long nap.  His doctor emailed me back right away saying there’s absolutely no reason Griffin can’t go to day care, that he stopped being contagious 24 hours after his fever broke, and that basically he’s fine.  I am happy I am vindicated, and happy to be home enjoying some unexpected hours with my little guy.

I’ve thought a lot about what I’m going to say when I run into this mom again.  She was wrong, plain and simple, on so many levels including medically.  I could point all these things out to her and tell her just how wrong she was, but I think I’ll just say this to her: If I’ve learned anything about parenting so far, it’s that we all do the best that we can for our kids.  Instead of keeping this in mind, you made me feel ignorant, incompetent, and stupid when you could have addressed your worries by showing compassion, understanding, and asking questions instead of accusing.  I hope you keep this in mind the next time you are doing the best you can for your daughter.