
Breakfast Still Life


During an epic game of Munchkin Deluxe, Maggie was on a rampage and I was getting pummeled by nasty curses. After drawing yet-another card of doom, I exclaimed, “Ugh, I’m getting knocked down at every turn!”
Maggie, chuckling with evil glee, countered with, “And I’m getting knocked UP at every turn!”
Back in February of 2014, I posted Two Plates, a scientific investigation into the culinary cleanliness of Griffin and Maggie. CliffsNotes: Griffin made a gargantuan mess, but Maggie didn’t.
One of the hypotheses of this experiment wasn’t testable until today:
1. Developmental stages. When Maggie is four, she will be just as messy. Was Griffin more fastidious when he was one? Memories are fuzzy and unreliable, but I don’t think so. We can test this in a few years with another set of pictures. (Strawberry shortcake for breakfast, February 15, 2017!)
Admittedly, I technically blew the experiment by serving strawberry shortcake a day early this year (I’m not sure why we had our Valentine’s Day breakfast on the 15th in 2014). But in the spirit of our anti-science (post-science?) times, I present our results anyway.
February 14, 2017 photo of Maggie’s place setting after her breakfast. Maggie is four years, nine months old.

February 14, 2017 photo of Griffin’s place setting after his breakfast. Griffin is seven years, ten months old.

The developmental hypothesis does not appear to hold. Maggie still has the cleaner area, though Griffin’s kept most of his detritus on his plate. (He also ate more, and with more enthusiasm, than she did.) But, clearly, mega-messes are not hardwired into four-year-olds.
I should add, too, that while Griffin still tends to be the messier eater, he is far better at keeping other areas of the house clean. At cleanup time, Maggie suffers from chronic debilitating attacks of exhaustion. Griffin, by contrast, will often tackle cleanup without being asked, rarely complains when we request a cleaning, and is developing a good sense of judgment about what will pass parental inspection.
Griffin, upon passing plastic statues of Mary and Joseph in a nativity scene:
“Are those carved from butter?”
We were utterly befuddled until we remembered the popular booth at the state fair where they carve the head of Princess Kay of the Milky Way into a 90 pound block of butter.
Maggie regularly refers to her brain as her computer, usually in reference to her dreams or imagination. This morning as Griffin and I were talking about bad dreams, Maggie declared, “I don’t have bad dreams anymore because I thumbs down them in my computer.”
Me: Maggie, you and me and Oliver are going to smash the patriarchy!
Maggie: No we’re not!
Me: Do you know what the patriarchy is?
Maggie: No
Me: It’s when boys are only in charge and tell girls they can’t do anything they want.
Maggie: Oh. We can smash that.
Griffin, while reading some product packaging at the dinner table:
What’s a G-M-O?
Goofy … Mohawk … Ogre?
I like the way this guy thinks.